---

I want to begin by saying that I am not an authority on child training. I have just made some observations down through the years, and feel compelled to share them with those that are interested. There are a few things I have noticed about some parents and their child-training techniques. Some of them are good, some of them are not. I was saved at the age of 4, and I had a real desire to please God. Here are some ways you can hurt that child who is trying to serve God. If your child is a rebel, then read this article. Some of it could be your fault. My parents made mistakes, and I am still serving God today. I have compiled a list of about twelve things (certainly the list could be much longer) that cover some really bad mistakes a parent can make. I will try to explain why I feel each area is so important, and how I see monumental mistakes being made in each area.

1. Don't force your child into being the example for all the other children. There is too much of this going on in our Independent Baptist ranks. If you will look around, you will see I am right on this. Many parents tell their kids this: "Now I want you to be on your best behavior. There will be other kids watching you, and I want you to set an example for them." Your kids are human beings. They are not extra-terrestrial creatures capable of divine attributes such as perfection for example. What you have just done is placed an impossible assignment on the shoulders of your children. They are trying to figure out why they are supposed to be the examples, when they are in need of examples themselves! The stress is suffocating, and the expectations of them have been raised to a level they can never achieve. You think that your child rearing has been so thorough and so complete that now your little pupils have achieved the status of instructor and they are now qualified to teach the little brats and hellions that they will be rubbing shoulders with. That is not the case, my dear friend. You are not that good, so don't fool yourself. Your children are still children. The best kids are kids at best! Your kids will do their best to keep their own selves out of the woodshed, without making all the others their problem too. Just because the Apostle Paul told people to follow his example doesn't mean that your Johnny can!! Your kids are not the Apostle Paul, and the sooner you realize that and accept the fact, the better off BOTH of you will be! Am I saying let them do their thing? 0f course not. I am saying major on character and not other people's opinion of your child.

That is where so many parents have gone wrong, The result of this training is kids that LOOK good and ACT good, but when nobody is around and watching, they allow themselves to relax and do whatever it is they want to. We should teach our children to do right because it is right, not because people expect them to. Big difference. Another reason you shouldn't make your child an example is because it makes them feel superior to other kids. It makes them feel more spiritual, and spirituality many times has nothing to do with it. If we are not careful, we will teach our kids to associate good behavior with spirituality. Lost kids can have manners. Lost kids can obey. Lost kids can be polite and carry on a decent conversation. Don't make your child feel like he is God's gift to other kids just because he has some sense! If you are not careful, you will convey the attitude that your kids are in need of nothing, You won't really believe that, but in public, you will give that impression. Let me serve notice on you dear friend. You aren't fooling anybody!! You are only doing damage to your own image and to your child. Everyone else is not in the dark about how things REALLY are, and don't think for one minute that you have pulled the wool over anybody's eyes.

Stacey Shiflett
Missionary, South Africa -

This article will be printed in parts, the next part will appear in the May Trumpet