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In I Peter 3:6-7 we read a remarkable thing, the Bible says Sara called Abraham “Lord.” Why? I believe that this was the result of Abraham succeeding as her leader. Men, God has made you the leader of your family. It is your job to provide security in all areas – spiritually, physically, and emotionally. Your wife needs your decision-making direction. In I Peter 3:7, the Bible is talking about leading your wife in knowledge, honor, and spiritual leadership. Notice the last part of that verse puts consequences on failing in this area, “that your prayers be not hindered.”

All of this leadership must be prompted by love. The Bible says in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it.” This love is to be established in the home by the husband. Loving leadership is a must. Many families are marked by bad attitudes, criticism, indifference, unkindness, disapproval and lack of affection on the part of the husband. When this type of setting exists, the natural response of the wife will be to nag, to be defiant, and ultimately to be bitter. When a man says, “My wife doesn’t feel loved” he has failed in loving his wife Biblically. Love given will equal love received. Loving leadership is established in a series of “relationships” with the wife. Here are five important relationships that need to be established with your wife.

The first relationship that I want to mention is the relationship of counsel. Notice in I Peter 3:7 the Bible says, “According to knowledge.” Spiritual counsel is needed and the husband should be doing it, not the Preacher.

The second relationship is the relationship of prayer. A husband should pray for his wife during the day. A woman’s emotional needs are different; hence a need to pray for her is essential.

The third relationship is the relationship of protection. A husband should remove fears and pressures, and build a security in their relationship. For example, when my daughter Ashley was a young girl, she was afraid of the dark. Many nights I would need to have a chat with her reminding her that I loved her and that Jesus loves her. I would tell her about the protection of angels all around her and eventually persuade her to go to sleep and not be afraid any more. At times, you also need to protect your wife from the children. They will prey off of the emotional bond that a mother has with a child to obtain their desires. For example, they may say, “You don’t love me if you don’t let me do or let me have…”

The fourth relationship that a husband needs to cultivate with his wife is the relationship of common sense. In Proverbs 5:18 and19 the Bible says, “Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.” Praise your wife for more than just a good meal that she has prepared. Praise her at various times in many other areas. Praise is such a vital ingredient to a good marriage. Guard against teasing her about her weight. Also, give her gifts. Her wedding ring should not be the last gift she gets. For example, one Christmas a few years back my wife, Carla, had been praying for some spending money to buy some things around the house. That year, after she had given out all of the big presents to the children, all that was left was a small package about the size of a cookie. I had found a small coin purse lying around the house that I had wrapped up. When she unwrapped the coin purse, she said, “Oh, this looks like one that I already have!” Which it was! But I had put twenty $100.00 bills folded neatly inside. After she had opened the coin purse and acknowledged my gift, I told her that no amount of money would be too much to give to her.

The fifth relationship is that of time. Being too busy is no excuse in a marriage. Time and intimacy is a must with your wife. The giving of oneself in time and also physically is a legitimate need for the wife. Ten minutes before bedtime is not the time to start showering her with attention. The key to good intimacy is going to be giving your wife time and attention throughout the day.

In conclusion, remember Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” Submission will be the natural response to loving leadership.

Dr. Keith Gomez,
Baptist Bible Church, Elgin, IL.